The big scary word called Vaccines

We are all allowed the think and feel how we do. I want to clarify this right now, so when I go off about my own thoughts on a subject that is a land mine to some people, I just want you to know that I respect your beliefs even if they do not agree with my own. We got that cleared up? Good.

Let's talk about Vaccination. 

During my childhood, vaccines were the things that doctors gave you before you got a lollipop and were given the all clear to go to school in the fall. I mean, I hated being poked, but what kid doesn't? 

As I learned, through reading, watching historical documentaries (yes I was one of those kids), and learning about the scientific method in my 7th grade science classes, I got to learn why those pokes were important. Now, I know that some of the information that they taught me in school were facts that weren't disproved yet, and some of the things they taught were how people thought about germs, bacteria, and viruses in the "good old days".

My favorite historical misconception was that people used to believe that flies were born from rotting meat. It wasn't until someone did an experiment to prove this belief wrong. A guy put some meat in a jar and left some meat out in the open then wrote down what happened. Obviously the meat in the jar didn't grow flies, because flies weren't able to lay eggs and grow baby flies. Tada! 

I think that science is neat like that. Taking what people believed was the truth and testing it to make sure it is the truth. I personally don't think that science is evil, it's the process of discovery and making sure that facts are facts. 

Now, as I've mentioned, I'm a history buff. I love learning about what people did in the past. It's sad at times. Learning that people, not just children, were so commonly ill, and died from terrible illnesses. It was rare to see people older than 50, or 60, or 70 depending on where you were and how sick the population was. What was also fun about history, is learning these people's cures for ailments. In ancient Greece if you had a cough you were violently shaken until you stopped. Or if you were ill (from the dark ages until the victorian era) they would put leeches on you to remove "bad blood". Tuberculosis patients smoked as a cure for their lungs. I know that to some people, a vial full of disease seems just as ridiculous as a cure as the ones I just mentioned. 

I know a lot about the controversy about vaccines. How people believe they are evil, that they cause autism, that it just gives you the disease. If you believe that. Okay. 

But I thought about it the other day, as I looked at a sight that claimed it had 99 plus studies that proved that vaccines cause autism. Now I was taught to think for myself, to do research, and not take everything at face value. So I read the studies to see if they really were proof, giving the friend that posted the material the benefit of the doubt. Now I didn't read the whole thing, but from the 10 studies or so that I did read up on- the children they were testing for already had prior issues, the study excluded exactly which vaccines they were studying the effects of, and the statistics were skewed, with most of the studies saying that more tests would be needed to be conclusive. If they weren't conclusive, that's not a guarantee that their study was right or wrong. It just means they need more information.

Also, I asked myself a question. Which vaccine is it exactly that causes autism, if vaccines really do cause it? 

Okay, so when a vaccine that causes autism is found, wouldn't that ONE vaccine simply be removed from the list that children are supposed to get? How is it that every single vaccine on the market could possibly cause every single child autism? I don't think the vaccine itself would then be a cause. It would have to be something else, like needle contact, or the plastic/glass that holds the vaccines. If we are still going to blame a vaccine for causing autism. Okay. So if it's the way it's administered wouldn't doctors have changed the way that vaccines were administered by now? 

Also, I can't exclude the fact that Dr. Andrew Wakefield who first claimed that vaccines caused autism was convicted of fraud and is no longer a practicing doctor. 

 

Blaming all of vaccines for causing a neurodevelopment disorder is too broad a statement for me to be taken as truth just yet. 

If those of you reading want to know my position on the issue, I'm going to be honest, and say that I am on the side of vaccines. But I also know that vaccines don't solve issues like the common cold, allergies, and a lot of other things. I know that sometimes home remedies work just as well as prescriptions from a doctor. 

To the people that disagree with me, you are welcome to your opinions. To the parent's reading this, you know your children and their needs better than anyone. I'm glad you are a concerned parent. It's not  my place to tell you what to do. In the end, I simply hope that my perspective on the issue, brings you more clarity of your thoughts and feelings. 

Grieving for a Friend

It's been a few days since I received the news of my friend.

She died by her own hand.

As I mourn for her, I find that I am angry. Angry that she put on a brave face, too brave to tell anyone that her world was so dark and scary. This hidden world that she would rather face alone because sharing the realities of her broken heart, her struggle to find inner peace, the frustration of  her brain that told her the pain was beyond anyone's help and her need to be free. I am angry because she lied. Lied well enough to give the friends closest to her a sense of security that she was fine, only to sneak out and finish what she was determined to do all along.

And I am angry because I'm sad, and it's easier to be mad then it is to shed tears and cry because I'm sad that I couldn't have done anything to stop her. I could have taken her to a safe place, a place that deals with suicidal people everyday. I could have told her how I understood why she wanted to end the pain, because my mom had attempted to do the same thing only a few weeks ago. I would have held her and told her that she didn't need to be so brave. That I wouldn't judge her for actually crying, or yelling, or screaming, or anything she wanted to tell me about the darkness that haunted her for so long. I would have told her that burdens were meant to be shared, and that keeping them to yourself is selfish. I would have told her that I understood her more than she believed.

This pain I feel for her loss makes me wonder if all my friends lie to me.

I'm an honest and very blunt person around my friends. I own my emotions and perhaps share them so often that they believe that I only focus on my own problems. But that's not true. I tell everyone everything because I believe in being real. I am human for pity's sake. I get angry, I get sad, I get hyper and giggly to the point I don't make sense anymore. I don't hide these moments of emotion because it would eat me up inside. How could my friends help me laugh about silly things if I didn't tell them? How could my friends be real friends if I didn't let them know that I felt overwhelmed and needed a break from the monotony?

But I wonder if owning up to my emotions comes across as being self centered. Sadly, I only live in my skin, so I can only see the world through my eyes. But I can learn how others see the world. That is why I love my friends. I love my friends who come from different backgrounds then I do, who have different personalities, lifestyles, and goals. Because I love them for who they are.

I wanted to share this because I want my friends to know that I am real and I love them. I am here for you. I will drive four hours at all hours of the night to hold you while you cry. I will send you cards to brighten your day. I will pray for you. I'd make you soup if you were sick, or babysit your children so you could have a date with hubby. You can call me at any time to tell me anything, I will listen because I love you. But I can't help you if don't allow me to.

That to me is the biggest act of betrayal. When my friends don't allow me to be a friend.

So yes, part of my grieving is the fact that I feel betrayed. Betrayed that a friend wasn't real with me.

Dear friends, whatever you're going through, whatever your circumstances, know that I love you. I do. We're all human, and life is a lot better with friends.